


can’t sleep

by orphan_account



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Kieran’s POV, Light Angst, Slow Build, first chapter is just a flashback thing, idk if angst is the right tag but yuh, most of the characters are more of mentioned but they might have a bigger part in the story later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 01:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19346440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kieran is still getting used to this new camp.discontinued!





	1. Maybe he’s not so bad?

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter is gonna be kinda retelling the story but from Kieran’s POV so yah

Ever since he got tied in with the O’Driscoll gang for those few months, he started to find himself not being able to sleep most nights. Kieran remembered all that taunting and ridiculing the others would throw at him - and he didn’t even do anything! He would try to throw some kind of insult back, or just ignore it, but it made the bullying all the worse.

He was just a number to Colm, and was there to take care of the horses and that was that. He didn’t understand why he would be made fun of - but he knew he hated every single day he was with that group. He doesn’t think none of them even remembered his name, but that didn’t stop any abuse that came from the others.

When he got taken by Arthur that night, and had to be tied to that tree for what felt like forever and being insulted whenever someone felt like it, he didn’t know if it was worse or better than the O’Driscolls. People seemed to have hated him even more, and he had only been in Dutch’s gang - by force - for only a little while, maybe only a few weeks to a month.

He often figured it was worse than that O’Driscoll gang because he could never win. Couldn’t just walk away from whoever was insulting and threatening him, couldn’t defend himself because he’d be told to shut his mouth, and even when being silent, someone might hit him just for that. He hated how starving he was, too - At least with Colm, he was fed a little. This time, he wasn’t even allowed to eat, his lips chapped and feeling so malnourished he could faint. He just wished God would take him already. 

The only sense of happiness he felt for the first time was when that girl - Mary-beth, that was her name - was the only one that wouldn’t be cruel to him, and even went out of her way to give him some water once. He always thought of that incident, how she was the first person to give him good attention in such a long time. Even daydreamed about it sometimes before another threat would interrupt his thoughts.

When he finally got untied from that tree and saved Arthur at Colm’s cabin, he hoped he wouldn’t be picked on so often. He’d saved the mans life! There was no reason to pick on him now, was there? But even if they were still mean to him, he was just grateful that he had convinced all of them to let him stay.

On the ride back, he kept thinking about something Arthur said, telling Bill to, “Tell Dutch old Kieran ain’t worth killing.” He even remembered John saying something about how he had saved Arthur’s life back at camp. He didn’t say much about it, but he started to feel somewhat content again. He was glad to know he was wanted in some way.

Over the course of the next days, that eventually turned into weeks, people were finally warming up to him. There was still the irritating jokes about him being an O’Driscoll being thrown at him, but besides that, he was fairly happy with how things were going. Doing chores to keep him busy every day, and taking care of the horses, who seemed to be the only ones who actually liked him. 

But there was still the ones that weren’t too fond of him. Bill calling him an O’Driscoll any time of the day he was free, and even holding him down on the ground while threatening to geld him once. He thinks he remembered Sadie making a threat about cutting his throat in his sleep for what those men did to her husband, and when asking around camp if she’d actually do it, mainly just mixed answers were all he got.

He felt too afraid to sleep at this point - he felt like if he just sat down for a second to eat when he’s been working all day, someone would be giving him a nasty glare. It was always by people like Micah, someone who wouldn’t even lift a finger to help out. He knew it was hypocritical, but didn’t wanna test his luck by pointing it out. He remembered dozing off by a tree once, not even fully sleeping, when Micah kicked him in the side and felt like he had broke a rib or something of the sort. If he got hit just for that, he didn’t wanna know what would happen if he actually slept.

Of course, he had to get bits and pieces of rest when his body forced him to. Even though he felt like he should have been grateful that he was even allowed to sleep, he always woke up feeling everyones eyes were on him, watching his every movement the moment he opened his eyes.

He felt as if whenever he could comfortably rest, without anyone bothering him, he just couldn’t. Like if a good amount of the gang was out, going to rob a bank or something like that and was out for the night, he couldn’t even close his eyes. He didn’t know if it was fear, nervousness, or what. 

He didn’t even have his own tent - usually would just rest where it was most comfortable. But at this camp, Clemens point, it was so humid that he’d get sweaty just from standing there. On top of that, any tree he tried to sit against to rest always had random rocks and pebbles in the grass, making it immensely uncomfortable even to sit. The only thing that could possibly put him to sleep is the soft waves of the lake.


	2. Want to go back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kieran has a dream about someone he likes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually have dialogue this time wrow

He rarely had dreams, and he thought it was because of all the things on his mind at once. If he did ever dream, it was a jumbled mess of all his thoughts and fears and the moment he awoke, he forgot all about them.

But one night, he could actually remember one of them - and when he woke up, he just wish he could go back and experience it all over again, even if just for a second.

It was just him on a quiet, sunny field. The grass he sat on wasn’t all bumpy and uncomfortable, but instead soft and cushiony, as if he was laying on a giant cloud.

His clothes didn’t feel as scratchy, either. They were much more breathable, and even though usually his boots felt like they were starting to fall apart and get too small, he fitted in them much better than before.

He ran his hand through his hair, and it felt much softer and cleaner this time - like he got a deluxe bath at one of those nice hotels. Everything felt so real - he just wanted to cherish every single second he could be here.

“Hey, Kieran!” That voice sounded familiar. He turned around, feeling himself start to smile as he saw it was Mary-Beth.   
“H-Hey, Mary-Beth!” Though he usually referred to her as ‘Miss’ to be respectful, he felt so much more comfortable at this moment, like he’d known her much longer than he actually has. 

She sat next to him, both of her hands resting on her skirt. 

“Its a beautiful day, don’t you think?”  
“Oh, yeah, it is!”

He hadn’t noticed it before, but there was thousands of flowers covering the fields, like dandelions and sunflowers. He started to think of an idea.

“What do ya see in the clouds?” Mary-Beth said, interrupting the silence. 

“Oh! Well, lets see...” He took a minute to find one, most of the clouds just looked like random blobs.

“I see a cat, like the ones in Saint Denis.” She pointed upwards for Kieran to see. He looked up, immediately noticing what she mentioned.

“Uh.. Well, that one looks like.. A heart, I think? Not a real one, but you know, how they draw them in picture books?” He said, pointing at another one.

“Oh, I see what you’re talking about!” She noted, smiling.

A few minutes went by, the both of them just pointing out clouds and laughing.

While Mary-Beth was pointing out one she thought looked like a dog, Kieran reached his hand behind her back and started to silently pick the flowers out of the ground, as for her to not see. He picked as many as he could before he got a mini bouquet of the yellow flowers.

After she was finished talking, she went to look at him.

“I-I don’t mean to change the subject or nothing, but I got something to show you..”  
“Oh, can I see it?”  
“Close your eyes first!”   
She laughed, doing as told. He shook the flowers a little to make sure that there was no little bugs on them. He gently placed them in her hand.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

She opened them, immediately smiling and her eyes lighting up. “These are beautiful! I love it, thank you Kieran!” She carefully put a few of them in the breast pocket of her yellow blouse.

“Hey, they even match your shirt!” He said, smiling even more than he was before.

“It does!” She paused for a minute, starting to speak a little more relaxed. “Thank you so much, they’re so pretty! Wait, hold on-“ She took the sunflower in her hand and carefully placed it in Kieran’s hair. She took the little mirror in her pocket and opened it, facing his direction. “Do you like it?”

He never really saw his face, and when he did, he never thought of himself in a positive light. But since she put the effort into putting it into his hair for him, he felt a little happier with himself than usual.

“Y-Yes, I love it! Thank you, it looks.. Lovely.”  
“Im so happy you like it.”

There was a brief pause before she put her hand on his, which surprised him. Her hand was so soft compared to his, which was rough and calloused. He wrapped his hand around hers, starting to feel his face heat up.

“I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but..” He breathed in a little, his breath sounding slightly shakier than normal. “Thank you for being so nice to me, a-and, for everything. And also, I wanted to say..” He started to look down, his grip on her hand getting a little tighter.

“I love you, Mary-Beth. You’re the only person that’s n-never been cruel to me, I think about you really often, and-“  
“Thank you Kieran, really.. Thank you so much. I really do love you, too.”

Just seeing her smile made him do the same. He was so happy, he felt like he could just start jumping from joy at this very moment.   
This was the first time in so long he’s felt like this, he wished it could last forever.

The sun had started to set, the orange sky reflecting in her blue eyes. She put her hand on his forearm, while he put his on her wrist. They started to get closer and closer to each other, while not even wanting to guess how flustered he might look. 

The fact he was going to kiss her kept running through his mind, he genuinely felt like he was he happiest man alive. He got closer to her while she did the same, their eyes slowly shutting until-

His eyes shot open. It was dark at camp, looking like it was just starting to get light out, and he felt a pain in his neck due to his position by the tree he was sleeping at. He couldn’t fully comprehend where he was at the moment, but he knew he was angry the moment his eyes opened. That feeling of true happiness and contentment, all immediately stripped away just because he woke up. He wanted to yell or kick something, but he didn’t want to wake anybody.

As his eyes adjusted to the morning sun, he realized what awoke him. Micah standing directly next to him, snorting and laughing with his hands in his pockets. Kieran started to notice a fading pain in his leg, probably from Micah kicking him.

“Sleeping on the job, are you?”


End file.
